i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
