I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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