NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
