This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just google imaged poop.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
