He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
