Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
