Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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