How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
