I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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