I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
