i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
