ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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