We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
