Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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