Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
