where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
