Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
