imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
