i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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