I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
