yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
