If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
