I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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