the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
