Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
