You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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