you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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