I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
