OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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