Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize