Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
my god I love twenty year old dicks
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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