It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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