You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
