Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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