Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
