I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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