Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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