I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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