My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Pants are for mortals
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize