dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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