dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
