no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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