It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
