Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize