All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
