I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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