Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
