their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
