I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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