TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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