roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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