Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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