I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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