I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
