You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
