where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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