I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
