Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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