My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
