i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
