Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
