Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
