I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just pee around me
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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